Regular readers of my blog know I have sort of a Wonder Woman (WW) fixation. And by “sort of,” I mean that I own everything from a WW snuggie to WW flip flops and I actually make a WW post every Monday. The obsession was planted in my youth when I wished I could spin my way into fabulous outfits and was further fed in my drama club/Thespian days of high school/college when folks said I had a passing resemblance to Lynda Carter (yeah, I don’t see it either—and, yes, that’s me in that pic from 1995). Nowadays, I wear a lot of the yellow “W” and I blame my husband and my son. They think I’ve earned it by surviving a rare sarcoma (that was all luck and good doctors), being a foster mom (which DOES NOT require super powers), and marrying into a family with a “W” surname (actually, that might justify it a little).
When it comes to being a superhero, I don’t get any extra cred just for being a mom. In fact, it’s sort of the opposite—being a mom has revealed powers in me that I had NO idea I possessed. The only super power I might have laid claim to before was the titanium bar in my left arm. My nephews have always assured me that it would, if necessary, stop bullets.
No, being a mom to a boy (and fostering six subsequent others) has brought out the following super powers in me, requiring me to become a super heroine all my own:
1. Possession of a special weapon known as “the iron fist of justice.” I am known, for better or worse, as being the ultimate arbitrator of all arguments and my word goes. If I say there will be no bedtime stories for dawdling at tooth-brushing there are no stories. Conversely, if I promise extra LEGO time for picking up your room in record time, there will be extra LEGO time. The iron fist is swift, certain, and fair. The unwavering nature of its justice has encouraged a “its better to tell the truth than lie” policy which is working out pretty good for us so far. It’s sort of like WW’s lasso of truth meets those bullet-proof bracelets. Okay, so maybe that titanium bar helps a bit too.
2. The power of telekinesis. This power is still really new and of limited use so far but I’m pretty excited about it. You know that “mom eye” (or, in my case, mom eyebrow)? Yeah, well mine works to actually get my 5-year-old to do stuff like stop jumping in his seat, cover his mouth when he burps, and move his drinks onto coasters. Actually, I’m not sure if this is telekinesis or mind control but I’m super excited to keep developing this power.
3. The ability to go completely undetected in my SAHM disguise. True story: most days I’m rocking the pajama bottoms, concert t-shirt outfit combo. I don’t even own a cape. You’d never know that I’m faster than a speeding naked toddler, more powerful than a kicking preschooler, and able to leap a pile of Hot Wheels cars in a single bound. Of course, the tiara I’m fond of wearing from time to time or my trusty kick-@ss combat boots might give it away.
4. The development of super strength. I now have physical abilities I never dreamed would be important. I can dead-lift two kids under the age of five off the floor and take them into their rooms whether they want to go or not WHILE baby-wearing an infant. I can pick up one of those giant novelty carts full of groceries and kids when one of the wheels gets wonky (because one of the wheels ALWAYS gets wonky). Can you add “able to hold a 38-pound boy over a public toilet to pee and not spill a drop” to your resume? Cause I would if it’d get me a job.
5. The ability to heal all wounds, answer all questions, and conquer all icky bugs. Being a mage and a healer is hard work and I praise Hippolyte for Google. I thought being a First Aid/CPR instructor would get me through most of life’s bumps and bruises but did you know that a toddler can be wounded simply by walking past a toy in a store that he is NOT going to take home? And that he can literally ask the same question about lightning or a jet engine 127 times? Or that he’s going to expect you to clear his slide, swing, and sandbox of every spider, earwig, and caterpillar that dares touch it? Vanquishing insects, soothing invisible boo-boos, and dropping mad knowledge are now all part of my gig as a wonder mom.
In some strange way, I feel like I’ve been preparing for this destiny my entire life. And even if I’m not THE Wonder Woman, I feel pretty darn lucky to have a family that makes me feel like a superhero.
~Marci aka Mamamusement
PS: My “Mamamusement” avatar was created using the Marvel link we shared yesterday—thanks Jenay!
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Oh, Marci…. Always saves the day with her fantastic entries on Growing Up Last! Love it!